What are 3 things that happened in 2020 that impacted you for 2021?
This prompt is deeper and heavier than it probably would be in just about any other year. How to unpack 2020? How to think about 2021? What am I doing? How am I shaped?
The primary thing that interrupts all memories of 2020 is COVID-19. I sat down and wrote 4 pages about walking through the pandemic before I realized that a better audience for this content is probably my counselor, not the general public. Here goes round two…
It’s impossible to think of things that happened in 2020 without reflecting on COVID-19. In the first weeks of 2020, we had just celebrated our 10-year anniversary as a company with two 60–125 person events, which I had the privilege of planning and coordinating, where people flew in from as far as the UK and Malaysia. We spent the day reflecting on a decade of fruitful work with coworkers who have become family and finished off with a party to celebrate (sitting shoulder to should in a packed room, if you can imagine that!).
I came into 2020 coming off of a serious relationship that ended somewhat abruptly and was taking a few months to process and reflect before re-engaging with community which had shifted quite a lot over the course of two years. I planned to finish my time reflecting and healing with a trip to Ireland at the end of April. It was all mapped out to the day- a solo drive around the country to see the Cliffs of Moher, visit a family legacy farm, and spend some time at a silent retreat center.
And then COVID-19 hit and everything stopped.
Silence and Solitude
The first thing that happened in 2020 that shaped me for 2021 was a newfound (albeit involuntary) practice of silence and solitude. I was grateful at the beginning of the pandemic for our pastor who launched a series of sermon lectures giving guidance on how to adapt to the sudden slow down. I implemented some version of every one of his suggestions and I am deeply grateful to say that I believe these are rhythms that have changed not only 2021, but hopefully my life beyond as well.
With less places to go (okay, no places to go), I suddenly had time and space for rhythms of reading, prayer, and listening that I’ve never made space for before.
It didn’t happen at once. I hadn’t even started one of these rhythms during the two-week period we originally thought the pandemic would last. But slowly, as weeks turned into months, and months turned into seasons (and the air turned brown and locked us further inside), I added little shifts to my daily routine.
Now I don’t think I can ever go back. I crave these alone spaces in the morning, at night, in the middle of the day. I’ve started reading more fiction as well and it has become such a treat to end the day. Sunday Sabbath practice has become a newfound love.
I don’t know how I would have walked through the challenges that came with 2020 without these quiet rhythms of peace and I don’t know how I’ll walk through 2021 or future years without them either. I can’t go back.
Settling In
I’ve never spent so much time in my home prior to the global shut down. Wherever I lived (which changed approximately every year or so), it was more of a landing pad and a place to store my things. Maybe have friends over every once and awhile.
May of 2018, I was grateful to have the opportunity to purchase a home that I can share with lovely roommates. Even with this significant change in residence, I still related to my home as a landing pad. I think I had an idea that you don’t really settle in until you’re married with kids and my new home functioned in the same way as past places I’d rented.
This year, with no where to go but home, I’ve been so grateful for a warm and safe place to dig my feet in and let roots grow a bit. I’ve had some roommate turnover and while I was sad to say goodbye to friends as they moved away, I’ve taken the opportunity to create the space to feel like home. I built out a garden last year and (accidentally) grew 13 tomato plants from the seed of tomato I was cutting up for dinner.
These newly discovered little joys and simple pleasures have started to feel like crucial components that make life sweet and help me feel me happy to wake up. In 2020, that was about all we had. But the discovery of these small joys has, again, altered the course and rhythm of my life now in 2021 and, I hope, onward as things slowly shift towards “normal.”
2020 was a rollercoaster and on the highs and lows, I’ve never felt more lost. But I’ve found these little rhythms help flattened out the ups and downs to create some stability and as a result, I’ve never felt more at home.
Awakening
The third thing that happened in 2020 which impacted me for 2021, I grapple with how to articulate in a way that honors the lives of those that we’ve tragically and maliciously lost in the process of getting to this point. Breanna Taylor. Ahmaud Arbery. George Floyd. Elijah McClain.
Before June there was an eerie silence in the public and professional space. Eerie because there were voices speaking, but they were so often dismissed by those with the ability to decide which perspectives get credibility and which don’t.
With the coming of June, the public conversation shifted drastically. The decision for the White public to listen was tragically overdue (and is far from complete) but created a waterfall of changes that continue to impact me for 2021.
A series of deeply personal conversations at work (between people who are family, people who feel like family, and people I hardly know) have resulted in a companywide changes that are setting the stage for deeper conversations in 2021.
A casual family conversation now may include a question and dialogue challenging a preconceived notion or practice and its impact on society.
A dialogue at my church surfaced and is continuing into 2021.
Injustice engrained in our society as part of the fabric of our daily living has been an area where I’ve felt silently trapped in a role of living as an oppressor, at odds with my faith, my soul, and my community for many years. To have loved ones see what’s going on and link arms in stepping into honesty and truth, has encouraged me to “come out of hiding”, face hard realities with hope rather than resignation, and find a voice to start moving forward.
Another change that impacted me for 2021 and I hope far beyond.
In 10 years as I continue to process events that unfolded in 2020 and impacted 2021 and beyond, I may re-read this and laugh at my feeble attempt to make sense of such a jarring year and how these happenings impacted me. In some ways, everything changed in 2020. In some ways, everything stood still. While I’m happy to leave behind a lot of things from 2020, I hope that the newfound hope, truth, and joys stemming out of last year will be threads that continue create a new pattern in the fabric of the rest of my life.
